


Good bye

by Anonymous



Series: Innocence [2]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, Philinda - Freeform, Post-Season/Series 05
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:27:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24431329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: [An add on to my work Innocence.]This is the cathartic goodbye between May and Coulson's past self, from May's perspective. It won't make sense unless you read part one, a fiction about time travel.
Relationships: Phil Coulson/Melinda May
Series: Innocence [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1764244
Comments: 17
Kudos: 49
Collections: Anonymous





	Good bye

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bad_ash10](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bad_ash10/gifts), [Carlet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carlet/gifts), [Addy Kasturi](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Addy+Kasturi).



> Gifted to the people who encouraged this second part, plus all of the anon guests who requested it!
> 
> I hope this isn't underwhelming.

As Phil- not Melinda’s Phil, but one from years ago, when they’d danced around their relationship and she’d still been a shell of a woman- finished talking to FitzSimmons, he stepped away and caught her eye with that damn twinkle in his bright blue irises that made her want to sob or punch somebody.

She could do this. She was strong.

But not without him.

He took a couple of small steps to meet her. “I’m sorry,” he began softly, surprising her. “Daisy made it seem like it was… my fault I died.”

She laughed humorlessly. “You sacrificed yourself, just like the first time. You and your selflessness. Always had to be the goddamn martyr,” she snapped, knowing that she didn’t truly mean it, and that this Phil didn’t deserve her scathing words. He hadn’t done anything, hadn’t refused to live. She just had so much rage simmering at the surface, and here was somebody she could push it on to. But it wasn’t fair to him.

“I’m truly sorry,” He apologized again. “I know…” he paused, choosing his words carefully. “I know that I don’t really know anybody on the team in my time except for you, and even not the way your Phil did, but,” he shrugged helplessly. “I would always trade my life for any of you.”

Melinda shook her head. “I know. I get it, I would too, but then you refused to let us help make a cure. You insisted that you didn’t want your life prolonged again.”  _ Not even for me, _ she wanted to say, but it felt selfish.

Phil sighed. “I’ve never admitted this,” he said quietly, “but I guess it’s fine because you already know, though it’s strange. Melinda, I’ve loved you since the day you body slammed Garrett to the floor when he was being an ass to me at the academy. The feeling’s only gotten stronger since then. To me, I found out about TAHITI a week ago, and I’m still dealing with that. I get why I wouldn’t want something like that again. I… I don’t think I would have wanted it before. Skye- Daisy, sorry, said I was head of the program and canceled it. It was for a reason.”

Melinda shifted in place and slipped her hands into her back pockets, pursing her lips. “This time, you had more to live for. You had a daughter, and- and a wife, and the entire team as your family, who had to deal with losing you.”

“Three chances at life… it’s unfair-”

“No.” she interrupted fiercely, keeping her volume low to not attract the others. “It’s unfair to leave all of us behind to mourn you when we could’ve at least tried to save you.”

Phil nodded grimly in response. “You’re right. I don’t…” he trailed off. 

She bit her lip. “We can’t change it. It will happen again to you, and you will make the sacrifice play again because you’re the best man I’ve ever known… so I couldn’t have forced you to make a different decision.” She gave him a little smile. “So I say I blame you, but I can’t, because you’re Phil Coulson and you’ll always prioritize others above yourself, and that is why I love you.” A tear began to trickle down her cheek, and he hesitated before brushing it lightly away with his thumb, a gesture he’d done repeatedly since Bahrain, but had never felt so intimate.

“You’re so strong,” he told her, his eyes reflecting pain he hadn’t yet experienced. “I can’t believe we actually end up together.”

Even through her pain, she cracked a watery smirk at the direction he’d taken the conversation. “You were too squirrelly to admit it. I had to encourage you.”

“Daisy told me our first kiss was badass.”

“It was,” she agreed. They stood in the thick silence until he said, “I want to know that you’ll move on, Melinda. I- and my future self- would want you to let go.”

She shook her head sharply. “No. You… were my  _ everything _ .” She told him simply. “Now Daisy’s my everything. I’m never finding somebody new, not like that. You can’t ask me to do that.”

“Okay.” he responded softly. “I get it. I just don’t want you to be alone.”

“I have Daisy. She’s,” her voice softened. “She’s following in your footsteps. We let you live on in our memory. We’ll be okay,” she told him, gently taking one of his hands and squeezing it gently. “We’ll be okay.” She reassured him again, even though he’d forget this exchange in a few minutes. Maybe she was telling herself more than him. Maybe she believed it. 

Maybe… it was true.

Jemma waved to the two of them. It was time to go. 

“Goodbye, Melinda,” he said softly. “Take care of yourself.” It wasn’t just another flippant goodbye that was yelled when friends parted, but he truly was asking her not to neglect herself.

“I won’t,” she answered honestly, letting go of his hand while maybe, at the same time, letting go of some of the weight that she’d carried since his death. 

He sent her a smile before turning away, crinkling the edges of his eyes, making her smile automatically in response. Melinda watched him go, the anger ebbing away already. She’d said to him what she’d always wanted to yell at Her Phil but she never did because they had limited time and she wanted to spend it in his arms peacefully. It was cathartic. 

“Goodbye,” she whispered, still feeling the phantom of his touch in her palm, squeezing her hand into a fist.

She didn’t stay to watch him and her past self disappear.


End file.
